May 12, 2009 L2093-17

Now you may think the L2093-17 is the latest model from Terminator:salvation movie but it is in fact the model number of a ladder. That model number alone should have been enough  to warn me to be careful using this beast.  Never mind the liberal dosing of labels cautioning the user covering every side. Yet I was further instructed about the wickedness of said piece of equipment by Krista - careful Patrick "its the ladder from hell".  "Satan's own step?" was my blithe response.  Now on the box this probably seems like a fantastic idea.  Instead of having to buy twelve different stepping utilities you just need one...until you try and actually form a usable arrangement with it .  Three hinges each side each of which lock in three different positions.  You don't need to be an actuary to work out that that's a lot of different configurations.  Worse yet each hinge has a locking mechanism with a lever that needs to be reversed through a full 180 degrees each time the hinge locks in order to unlock it again.  

Somewhat disturbingly I managed to assemble configuration 2 'step ladder' change the bulb and return to configuration 13 'storage' without a hitch.  I put this down to me being on the highest state of alert for any possible treachery. Until I was walking back down the  garden slope to return the ladder to the shed of course.  Here I was betrayed by simple physics.  A 45lb ladder on your shoulder somewhat changes your centre of gravity.  This combined with the dew on the grass meant I lost traction and ended up on my backside.  At least the ladder hit the ground first before pinning my arm underneath it.  Nevertheless I now have a nice aluminium burn running halfway up my forearm.

I think I am going to attach another warning label to the L2093-17: it will get you when you least expect it

May 08, 2009 Amy Whinehouse in the rain

I am told Amy Winehouse ranks in the recent mtv poll of the top 10 albums of all time.  Up to Wednesday I would not have recognised her if I saw her, nor if I heard any of her songs would I have actually realised they were by her.  Fortunately The St Lucia Voice  carried a front page photo so I knew who to look out for at the Friday night segment of the St Lucia Jazz Fest.  Now, I heard various rumours about the girl: she had got herself sunburned, she had to be moved to a private villa due to her atrocious behavior in public, and that she was in rehab.  Sean and I were laying bets that she would be wasted (100%) and that as result she would be a no-show (undecided on that one).  

After taking 1.5 hours to get there we finally arrived just as Amy was due to take the stage.  Well at least she turned up.  What happened was surreal - just after she stumbled onto the stage (wasted alright) and the set got under the show stops mid song for her to tell us she was bored. Then the heavens opened.  I spent the next two songs huddled under an umbrella with water dripping down my side.  Luckily the camera crew next to us were deemed worthy of saving - another one of the crew brought over a huge Heineken Parasol which offered some shelter for the remainder of the gig. 

 And surreal it continued to be.   She kicked off her shoes and then cussed how she doesn't care she was short.  After that the lights went out, and to her credit Amy soldiered on, though by the time the lights came back up whatever was coursing through her system was clearly too much to handle. The highlight after that point was when she said she was going to sing a song that "isn't very good"  I had to pipe up, "well sing it to us anyway" which brought a few laughs from those around me. And that was the end of the "comeback". Well, while I won't be rushing to the shops based on that performance, I can just about see (hear?) that if she wasn't wasted her voice would be something to behold.

Fortunately ace zouk band Kassav stepped up to the plate next  - two keyboards, two drum kits, sax, trumpet, trombone, bass, guitar and four vocalists made for a high energy set.  Too bad the heavens opened again and we decided enough is enough and it was time to call it a night.

May 07, 2009 A bit of Caribbean culture

We went to pick the car up today.  Despite having called up before we left and being assured that the car would be ready at 5pm when we arrived at just after five we were told we would have to wait.  "How long".  "At least half an hour".  Well of course I have baby with me otherwise I would have just sat their and waited.  But its coming up to dinner time so we tell them to call us when its done and go off to find food.  Well its KFC to the rescue.  Baby is happy, car is ready and would you believe it I could not tell I backed it into the tree a week earlier.  Phew.  Well it was worth the wait I suppose.

By the way KFC Bagotstown Zingers are far superior to the one I had here in St Lucia. 

May 06, 2009 Things I will not miss about Guyana 01

Mer and  I went to see Wolverine today.  Now its pretty much 90 minutes of mindless violence and since its telling the back story of the X-men movie you don't have to think too much since you know the main features of the plot.  Yet having not been in front of a big screen for over a year I was mesmerised.  Picture filling my field of view and the sound effects making my chest cavity reverberate.  Home cinema still has a long way to go before matching this.  Well I won't miss the fact that I can't get the full movie going experience in Guyana that is for sure.

May 06, 2009 Body Surfin

[Sung To Beastie Boys Body Movin]

Body surfin, body surfin
A-1 wave, you catch its soothing
Body surfin, body surfin

We be catching waves and you know its groovin 

May 05, 2009 Buoyancy

Before we arrived in St Lucia it was a long time since I swum in the sea.  So long in fact I don't even remember the last time.  What completely blew me away was how buoyant I am compared to when swimming in fresh water.   When in fresh water at the pool or the creek, it requires real effort to stay afloat horizontally without swimming.  I have to keep my lungs fully inflated and take short sharp breaths to prevent me from sinking.

Imagine my delight when I stretched my arms out at my sides, flung my head back shut my eyes and I was happily floating horizontally without having to move a muscle.  Bliss.  Of course it doesn't take long for the little ones to think this is just part of the game..."bad troll, I am taking you to prison".  

May 04, 2009 Baby Biology vs Pamper Physics

And its midnight at the C. Ott memorial arena.  Baby biology is going up against pamper physics.  Baby wakes up and does not seem to want to settle back so Daddy decides some water will calm her down.    Baby looks like she goes down...but wait its all just an illusion, a couple of hours later she wakes up AGAIN.  Daddy can't work out what's wrong so out comes the bottle again.  BIG mistake baby just gulps it down and pretends to go down once more.  At the crack of dawn Daddy finally gives in and brings baby to bed.  Only then does he realise what's wrong.

Let's analyse this one from the other corner.  Little does Daddy know that baby's nappy is in fact  full. So while daddy thinks baby is being soothed with that water bottle it just means that the dapier takes another hit.  Ooopphhh.  Finally Daddy realises his big mistake and changes the diaper.  But by then its just a bit to late in the day to rescue diaper's chances.  Baby biology clearly wins out in this battle for crib supremacy .

May 03, 2009 Car Crash

I reversed Krista's car into a tree at the beach today, the rear pillar is all dented.  I am really upset because they have been so good to us and I don't want them to have to trouble over it.  Hopefully we can have it all fixed up for them in a jiffy.  Its funny, I was being really careful up to that point.  We realised we forgot the juice so I said to Mer I would just nip back to the house, as it's only two minutes away.  Of course I stopped thinking about driving carefully and started thinking about getting back to the beach in a jiffy...next thing you know...kerrunch.  I suppose the copious quantity of Bounty Rum Sean and I put away last night did not help my judgement either.  Luckily the boot and fuel filler cap still open! A helicopter has just drifted by.

May 02, 2009 Beach Cricket, Sea Trolls and Rain

Took baby down for her milk first thing to find a cruise ship gliding past into the harbour below.  After breakfast we took the kids to the beach.  While they swam Sean and I played cricket, high enthusiasm, low on skill.  The bowling is still pretty inconsistent but the batting is coming along.   While cooling off in in the sea the kids collared me into play troll with them.  At one point I was spiked by Conner and they thought they had won...little did they know that trolls regenerate 3 hit points a round. Mwa ha ha.  Later the cricket evolved into one-tip two-tip and a thrilling contest ended with a one run win to Sean via a run out.   The talk turned to Taleb and black swans.  We had to leave in a hurry when the rain came down really heavily.  So heavily that a river of water was cascading down the grounds of the house.   The dash eights continue to buzz in and out of Vigie airport. I still haven't got over how close they are: their flightpath brings them within a stone's throw of the veranda.